Temptation to Resurrection

-


    This lent, I gave up social media. Ash Wednesday was on Valentine's Day this year, so I was attending the JVC luncheon the first day of my fast. It was interesting to immediately be tempted by a desire to share pictures that first day. I have quit and re-started social media MANY times. I do, actually, hate it in almost every way.  There are probably more than two previous posts about my disdain for it on this blog.  AND YET... I keep circling back hoping to find it might have changed [like some toxic ex-boyfriend] only to find it is quite the same. An ad for ozempic next to my friend's post about her grief at the loss of her father.

    I wish we lived in a world where people still wanted to call each other, to have the back and forth, the ummm hmmm and sighs and ohhhs of real conversation in real time.  We say we don't have time, but is that really true? The best most of us give and get these days are texts, marco polo videos, snaps, voxer recordings, or apple voice memos.  Press play, listen to a recording and then record your own response.  I am 100% guilty of this! What in the world are we doing? I am so thankful for friends that still want to get together face to face for conversation. And yet, even face to face, we have to fight the urge to look down at our phones or watches. 

    When I logged back in this morning, I saw that I had definitely missed some happenings in my friends' lives.  I wonder, do they think I don't care when I simply haven't been on to look or comment? Do they feel like they have to do the same for me when I post so I won't feel bad? Is there more fruit or rot as we click and like and scroll? Is this what we are supposed to do EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES? 

    And, I just don't want to.  It's too noisy.  It makes me less loving.  It is not emboided.  It will never deliver the face to face connection we are all so hungry for; that we were actually MADE for. It was so uncomfortable resisting the draw of it even though I hate it.  It reminds me of when I smoked and wanted to quit so badly but couldn't. What a powerful hold it has had on me. Numbing me and distracting me and engaging me and enraging me.  

    So, I quit. I'm off it. I want to resurrect the life I had before all that stuff.  I will miss out, but I hope to gain more. I have loved this little blog for years and I want to keep using it. I don't care if anyone likes it or comments. Writing is one of the ways I pray and process. I am so thankful for this lenten journey and how much I discovered about myself and temptation. I asked over and over: Jesus HOW, how did you resist against your hunger, against being tempted to showcase your power (pride), and against every worldly treasure promised if you would bow down and worship the deceiver? How did you choose human embodiment even when its limitations were so hard and painful? But that was the life God sent Him for. The life God sent us for. That fully embodied, we might feel our lack and look to Him.  

Photos from our Lenten Season   

JVC Luncheon

Bridge Troll Babes

 Senior Color Run









First and last day of Co Op (Ever for Isaac!)
 Vanguard Showcase



Sigil Music Museum
Godzilla X Kong for Eden's Bday

Another amazing cake by Heather
15!!!!!
Two of my favorite ladies
Easter


Eden's new lizard




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

ReMade

-
Image
*****TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual Assault, abuse Oh, how I still wish I didn't need a trigger warning as a part of my life story.  This is one of those blog posts that I publish and then change to unlisted, again and again.  As the years pass I will probably continue to edit this story as I grow and journey on.   In May of 2017 had been almost 22 years since I had seen him. I was out on a date with my husband. We were dining outside and Jay had gone back in to get our food when I saw him. It was a rush of blind terror.  A panic attack in an instant. It felt like I would die. I bolted to the car. I had been praying about speaking to a counselor for a few weeks prior. Prom season was a yearly reminder. I would see the dresses and the decked-out teens popping up. I asked God, should I speak to someone after all this time? Will it just dredge up feelings best left alone? And then, that night at the restaurant, I had an answer.  I never felt responsible for what ...
Read more

Swords Into Plowshares

-
Image
  “they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruning hooks; nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more; but they shall all sit under their own vines and under their own fig trees, and no one shall make them afraid; for the mouth of the Lord of hosts has spoken. For all the peoples walk, each in the name of its god, but we will walk in the name of the Lord our God forever and ever.” ‭‭Micah‬ ‭4:3b-5‬ ‭NRSV‬‬ Looking at this picture of my son right before he was baptized. The face of God's love on him, and on his Dad.  How does a young man cover himself in body armor, take up rifles and murder a classroom's worth of children.  Why? And what on Earth, God, can we do about it?  I am so so tired of praying over all of the hate. I am tired of the words God keeps giving back to me: Love, it's love, Aimee.  Love is what fills a heart to such fullness that evil will not find a space to creep in.  Th...
Read more